A MESSY DIVORCE BUT I SCRIBBLED THAT OUT

Hers are catwalks and she gives them
a handful of razors
and the temperature rises. Fierce
flashbulbs line the orchestra pit
and the audience
turn their face up. Modern living
tears the bedsheet in two.
Nothing is on the horizon for her
but zeroes. Red zeroes.

A TRAIN POEM

If you do not want anybody
to sit next to
you on the train,
make sure you have worked
your back out
and your T-shirt clings
to your armpits
in dark
bunches. Put your bag
under the seat.
Leave the seat by free
as a threatening gesture.
A man and his daughter with chips.
Change seats.
The daughter does not like the chips.
Now you are
sitting next to the moon
going to Swine Town.
Opposite, the father
is raising safeguarding concerns
and bitching about Nanan.

A BUS POEM

When you do not want anybody
to sit next to you
on the bus. Sit in the aisle
seat. It is important
you do not place your bag
on the empty
window chair. You are not a rude man.
If challenged,
say you have a bad knee
and shift. They must feel
pretty shitty about this. They do not have to know
it was your other leg. Just hurt.
A hot young guy gets on the bus.
This changes things. Shuffle across, smile
and leave a thigh
for him to sit against. If that woman
in the purple fleece
gets high nosed about it. Fuck her.
You had a miracle.
Who is she to argue with it?

FEAST NIGHT

This feast night. Candy floss
by the plastic bag and hot dogs. Onions.
A swig of vodka
round the back of the Waltzer.
Scream if you want to go faster.
I touched his hand
on the twister and he touched mine back,
I think. Dangerous lights.
Someone is raging against the autumn dark
with bareknuckles.
A gang of lads
menace the dodgems. They swing
mallets. He fingers
her against the caravan. His breath
is hotter than whiskey
in her breasts and neck.
She notices
his fingernails have not been cut.

EXIT THE BUILDING

Please make sure all
electrical equipment is switched off and unplugged.

Ensure the compound gate is padlocked
and the chair is replaced in the fire doors.
Close the curtains over the doors.

Wind the shutters down in all rooms.
Make sure all lights are switched off.

Lock all internal doors
(bathroom and accessible toilet doors
should be closed shut.
They do not have locks).

To activate the alarm when leaving the building,
key in the code and press "A".
The alarm will start bleeping
and this will allow you 30 seconds to exit.

Switch the hall light off.

Make sure the dead lock catch is in the down
position and close the door.

The gate padlock will need unlocking from the wall position
and then closed over the door
and secured with the padlock.

ENTRY TO THE BUILDING

The small key will unlock the padlock
on the gate. Once opened, secure it back
to the wall by reapplying padlock
to the fastening and locking it.

Front door key. Once the door is opened,
a bleeping noise will sound,
this is the alarm being activated.

The keypad to deactivate the alarm is situated
on the wall to the right.
Enter the alarm code here.

If an incorrect number is entered,
press the clear key and re-enter correct
code. If the alarm is activated in error,
please telephone
DMBC Monitoring Centre immediately.
This will prevent the Emergency Services
being alerted unnecessarily.

Silence the alarm as follows:
Using the keypad enter the alarm code,
this will silence the alarm but error codes will flash
in the display window.
Clear this by entering the alarm code again
and then press the CLEAR key.

Once this action has been carried out
you will be able to activate the alarm as normal
on leaving the building.

The front door has a dead lock.
This means, to allow free access in and out
of the building, it needs to be set correctly,
by holding the door handle down
and sliding the lever
which can be found on the door plate
when the door is open, to the up position.

The rooms in use will need the shutters raising.
You will find a rod to the side of the window.
This should be wound anticlockwise to rise
and clockwise to lower.
A chair is wedged into the fire doors for extra security.
This MUST be removed
whilst you are in the building as this is
a fire exit. The exit leads into the compound,
where the gate is padlocked. This must be unlocked.
The key for this is situated on the curtain tieback hook
next to the fire extinguisher.

A key for the windows can be found on a hook
in the kitchen,
situated on the side of the first wall unit.

A LOVE NEST

We give up our single beds.
Somewhere in the house,
somebody
is testing your earlobe
with her teeth.

Somebody sweats.

Remember
that accordion
in the upstairs back bathroom.
How it eyed us both
from the bidet.

HOLY PALMERS

For saints have hands that pilgrim's hands do touch,
and palm to palm is holy palmer's kiss.

Wet hands under running water.
Take a measure of soap.
Work into hands, palm to palm.
Right hand over back of left and vice versa.
Rub palm to palm, fingers interlaced.
Back of left fingers to right palms,
fingers interlocked and vice versa.
Rotational rubbing of right thumb clasped in left hand
and vice versa.
Left wrist with right hand and vice versa.

THE NIGHT ECONOMY

Pushing mop. In
and out of the bucket.
Slop. The hoover sighs 
the empty space
between
meeting rooms.
Green corridors
of glass. An empty
conference table to
be sprayed and wiped.
A pile of papers
to be squared and set.
Office lights
clicking off over
every desk one by
one. The dark silences.
Empty waste baskets.
A single red LED
on a security camera
that blinks. Out.

THERE ARE TOO MANY COINCIDENCES TO YOUR MEETING JEROME

for SR

I wanted to lose my virginity. His motorcycle
would not start. He was a boy who lived

in the same village as I. He gave me a job
as his secretary. The elevator broke.

I can remember those numbers 3 and 5.
The fibowhatty sequence? The photos I found

in the grass verge were torn. I did a jigsaw.
It was Jerome and his wife. I started his motorcycle.

All of this is too made up to be true,
but it happened. What are you going to believe?

Years passed. That much can't be ignored.
He was a terrible fuck. Lies don't make it worse.

SEX SCENE

At first I tried simulating wanking with my cock
balled up in my hand like it was still soft
and I was working it hard. My hand was sweaty
from the heat of the lights and the flaccid muscle
squirmed in the grease. I thought of slugs.
It helped me avoid an embarrassing erection.
The director was asking me to stare
straight up her skirt and, although she wore
knickers, they had ridden to the left, exposing
her dark shaved labia. I still don't know
to this day if she had arranged it or if
it was chance let me glimpse. I kept on hiding
it in my palm for three more takes. She was nervous.
I found my eyes drifting from her cunt
to the corners of her mouth. The fascinating tremble
of her lips. What was she expecting?
I was twice her age. A lumbering legend
massaging my modesty. Ingenue. She was sliced
and garnished, served on a mattress. I let go.
Thought, what is a 43 year old man doing
being bashful? If I was taking her girlhood
I wouldn't be shy. I fell on her squeals
with my hands and thighs, pressing her open
like in real life. I'm no tit man. My method
is to lick and kiss their throats. I won't lie,
I came close to fucking her for real twice,
but in the end you're just humping the air,
dissatisfied and sweaty. After the cut,
we were awkward. I brushed some straw
from my ass and hauled my trousers up.
I offered my hand and she took it.
Hers were small like a child's, engulfed as I pulled.
Later we'd be  filming a breakfast
scene in the cottage. Bacon and sausages.
She was straightening her skirt and blouse
as I walked off set to my trailer.

3 MINUTES

Stop. Time is come slowed. The machine
is making a breath in me. I am aware
some people are panicking.
I sound like I am drowning. Stillness.

Still slower. Lights are beginning to flicker
and blink. A beep. Coming small.
Everything is turning inside out like a flower.
I can hear the atoms of sweat bead his nose.

A beep. These are ghosts. Shadows.
Dust and windows. Things there and not there.
Someone is in the room with you.
Someone knows what it is you must do.

They do not call it names. Death. It did not come.
Sterilise the theatre. We were not here.

RICE NOODLES :P

for PM and VM

rice noodles
lice poodles
dice roodles
mice doodles
nice toodles
twice strudels
vice scruples
spice boobles

LITTLE BIRD

for MH

My nanan
is just a little bird
these days.

She is a birdcage.

She is so small
nobody knows
if she is in bed or not.

She is a pile of sheets.

Her heart breaks.
She has pain
in her stomach.

The bird is trying to fly.

NOTHING HAPPENED

It was a usual evening in early October.
John was upstairs sitting at the computer
and Anthea was downstairs watching Casualty
and playing Pet Rescue Saga on her iPad.
Nobody had been to the house that day
and they hadn't been anywhere else
because it rained. At one in the afternoon
the telephone had rung, but no-one
had answered in time. It did not matter.
The answer machine confirmed it had been
a sales call on behalf of a double glazing agent.
For lunch they had eaten cheese
and pickled onion sandwiches and afterwards
John had made them both a cup of tea
with milk. The dog had been walked
before it got dark and was sleeping in his basket.
Anthea completed a level. John read news.
At 11 p.m. they went to bed.

BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE WHIRLOWDALE

for JA

Peter's son is an eminent eye surgeon
who drives an Aston Martin. Peter is dead
and his house is for sale. I have only ever seen
the Aston Martin once. A taxi is parked
outside Peter's house. Gypsies have taken
lampstands and stud partition walls
out of Peter's house. Decent curtains
have gone up. Douglas says, looks like
we are getting more of our coloured brethren.
The woman from next door but two
who is older than she dresses;
I don't know how young she is,
trundles down, any news? Big Toj has reckoned
there must be a large family. Next door says,
as long as they don't play drums or build
an extension. They go back to their newspaper.
Last week we ate a disappointing Duchy Original
chicken and tarragon soup. Prince Charles.

KIRKGATE

This side of town that town forgot.
None of that po-mo
single accommodation flats and shops,
just car dealerships.

A bulldozing ring-road churns aside
abandoned industrial estates
and burnt out brick warehouses
stuffed full of pigeon feathers and shit.